


stay soft but don't be gentle

by reachthetree



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Butt Plugs, Characters Writing Fanfiction, Felching, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gentle Dom Remus, Les Misérables References, Light Bondage, M/M, Nipple Play, Semi-Public Sex, Sirius Black Being Ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 18:07:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11318793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachthetree/pseuds/reachthetree
Summary: Can't a guy get fucked by his best friend for fic research these days?





	stay soft but don't be gentle

**Author's Note:**

> I heard the title lyric in 'Bad behaviour' by The Maine and was like, "this needs to be a smut fic with gentle dom Remus". Then when I started writing this plot appeared and well. I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS. It feels so typically fanfiction, both in the premise and due to the fact that Sirius is a fic writer in it, and I just love fanfiction with every fiber of my bitter gay body.
> 
> Shout outs to hypocorism, my best cheerleader, and nachodiablo who gave me feedback! Remaining mistakes are on me, of course.
> 
> Enjoy~

A whine spilled out of Sirius as come shot out of him onto the rumpled sheets. His laptop balanced precariously by the edge of the bed. Now that Sirius had come, the video playing on the screen looked pathetic and unappealing. He leaned over and paused with his elbow, before edging out the dildo inside him.

It was one of those “lifelike” dildos, with artificial veins and everything, but it still wasn’t right. 

Exasperated, Sirius threw the dildo onto the floor and heard it thud a few times as it bounced to a stop. Fuck it. He’d been researching for a week trying to get this sex scene right, but it wasn’t perfect. It was increasingly obvious that it was impossible to simulate the experience. Sirius just didn’t know what anal sex was like in real life – the feel, the sounds, the tastes. In the scene, it was the first time Courfeyrac and Combeferre have sex after telling each other “I love you”. Sirius needed it to be hot as well as emotional.

He’d had a good time imagining Courfeyrac’s feelings, though. Looking up at Combeferre, soft but stern, wearing nothing but glasses, asking him if he’s ready… Trembling at the prospect of crossing the misty line between friendship and romance, but certain of the need to have Combeferre as close as possible.

A knock on the door jolted Sirius out of his daydreaming and he realised that the come all over his groin had started to dry in an unpleasant way. He reached for a tissue and spat on it before starting to wipe it off.

“Yeah?” He yelled as he cleaned the crease between hip and thigh.

The door opened and James barged in. “Did you eat the last– oh for fuck’s sake!”

Sirius grinned at him. “I’ve told you several times, sometimes knocking is not enough.”

James held a hand over his eyes, yet for some reason strode further into the room, closer and closer to the dildo lying on the floor, still slick with lube… He screamed when he stepped on it, and Sirius laughed while James came tumbling down, arms flailing like a panicked goose. He landed on Sirius’ laundry pile and Sirius laughed so hard he had to hold his hands on his stomach.

“I hate you.” James growled and spat out a dirty shirt sleeve. “Why the fuck is that thing on the floor?”

“You mean you? Well, you walked in here-”

“Shut up.” James sat up and glared at Sirius. 

“I threw it away from me because it's not helping.” Sirius wasn't laughing anymore; he’d become grumpy again. As grumpy as you can be in an afterglow, at least.

“Still the same sex scene giving you trouble?” The thundercloud over James’ head cleared, and he tilted his head sympathetically. His glasses were still askew after the tumble.

“Yeah.” Sirius stretched out on the bed and sighed. “I know many people write about anal without having had it, but i want this to be spectacular.”

“Truly suffering for your art there.” James waggled his eyebrows.

Sirius threw a pillow at him. “Shut up and get out. I didn't invite you in here.”

“Yeah, well, i'm not a vampire, so.”

“Could've fooled me, considering how much you suck.”

James snorted. “You wish. Why don't you just find someone on Grindr or something?” 

Sirius made a face. Considering the feeling he was going for in the scene, he’d need someone he loved and trusted. Someone with glasses and curly hair and a candy stash on him at all times. A passionate nerd with diverse knowledge and sure hands. Yeah, he did know someone who fit that description. Sirius swallowed hard.

“Why don't you fuck me? You're here already, it's so much less work.” Lighthearted tone. Cheeky grin. Being cool.

“I'm in an exclusive relationship with two people, one of whom is your brother. No, I can't believe I have to say this, I will not fuck you in the arse.”

Sirius shrugged. “Worth a try.”

“Ask Remus, if you insist on shitting where you eat.” James stood up and adjusted his jumper. “But friends with benefits rarely ends well, you know.”

Sirius snorted. “That's literally how you and Lily got together.”

“Yes, well, we were made for each other.” James smiled. “I was gonna ask if you ate the last toast, but you know what, I'm just gonna go get some and leave you here to marinate in your own jizz.”

“I'm gonna taste delicious!” Sirius said loudly as the door closed again.

*

Remus slumped down at the other side of the pub table and drank half his beer in one go. “Fuck, that’s good. I feel like I haven’t had a beer in ages.”

“We missed you too, asshole.” James reached his own glass over to clink against Remus’. 

“Even I’m hoppier than this bland bullshit,” said Sirius, but guzzled down at least a fourth of it not two seconds later.

“Shut up.” Remus smiled. “What did I miss while I was selling way too many copies of 50 Shades?”

“I ‘accidentally’ broke a Beatles record and my boss made me pay for it.” Lily rolled her eyes.

Remus laughed, radiant. “Brilliant.”

“Sirius can’t find someone to fuck him,” said James cheerfully. Sirius punched him in the bicep.

“I can, too! I’m just picky, because I want my writing to be the best it can be.”

Remus choked on the last mouthful of his beer. “What does that have to do with it?”

Sirius was absolutely calm and not at all shaky when he replied, “I want to have anal sex so I can write the best possible sex scene in my Courferre fic.”

Someone at the table next to them turned their head at this, and Lily snorted. “Sure, that’s the only reason.”

The beer already made Remus’ face pink. “And you can’t just accept any of the people who try to pull you literally every time you go out?”

“No,” sighed Sirius. “It’s an emotional scene so it has to be someone I actually like, even if I’m not in love with them or whatever.”

“He asked me to do it,” said James, earning himself a new punch.

“I guess that leaves Remus,” said Regulus calmly, looking up from his Appletini for the first time. “Unless you have, heaven forbid, other friends?”

Remus’ hand jerked so that his now empty glass fell over with a thud and rolled on the table. “I don’t know why I missed hanging out with you all,” he muttered.

Sirius’ stomach sank. “I need another beer,” he said, disregarding the last fourth of the one in front of him. He glared at Regulus as he stood up. His brother was an asshole, but in such a gentle way you couldn’t call him out on it. Sirius fucking hated it.

Four hours later, Sirius was back in his still jizz stained bed, chewing his lip. After half an hour of tossing and turning, he sent a text to Remus.

**_sorry if that sex thing made u uncomfy. i literally hate james and regulus_ **

The response didn’t come for fifteen excruciating minutes, during which Sirius played match 3 games on his phone. Another victory for the Taste Buds!

**lol ur fine. i was just surprised. do u rly think it would help u tho?**

Sirius imagined Remus naked except for his glasses and took a deep breath.

**_yeah, i want to rly get a feel of it so i can describe accurately_ **

He then held that deep breath until Remus sent a reply. It wasn’t fifteen minutes this time.

**if u dont think it would be weird then sure, i can do it if u want**

Weird. Sure it wouldn’t be weird. It was Remus, right? Sweet, sassy, nerdy, nebulous Remus. He’d be a perfect Combeferre.

**_that would be amazing, if ur sure_ **

This time the response was lightning fast.

**im sure. when?**

*

Sirius didn’t think about much else the next three days. Regulus asked him to pass the milk and Sirius replied, “what if he’s too big?”

Regulus groaned, Lily and James squealed with laughter. Sirius pouted and passed the fucking milk. 

“My reputation as a writer rides on this, okay!”

“Ha, rides,” said Lily and high-fived James. Regulus declined.

“I’m not high-fiving my brother’s sex life,” he said dryly. “I may be cool but I’m not that cool.”

“Stay out of the flat tomorrow, then,” said Sirius. 

Regulus grimaced. “Trust me, I will.”

“I won’t,” said Lily and rubbed her hands together, grinning widely. “I’m gonna stand outside your bedroom and record every sound, for blackmailing purposes.”

Sirius and Regulus snorted at /black/-mailing at the same time, but Sirius found himself quickly. “No you won’t,” he said firmly. “You’re all getting out of here, I don’t care where you go, just leave.”

“I love you too, Pads,” said James and fluttered his eyelashes with a hand on his heart.

“I truly am suffering for my art,” muttered Sirius.

*

Remus had a spare key to the flat. And yet, today he rang the doorbell. Shit, it was already weird. Sirius had prepared by cleaning himself thoroughly, and he felt as emotionally raw as his asshole might be about to get. He opened with sweaty palms against the door handle.

“You know you can still come in as usual.” He smiled nervously.

“Right.” Remus shrugged and shuffled inside. His hair was already tousled and a lock was curled around the rim of his glasses. “I just didn’t know if you’d be… I don’t know, I’ve never done this before.”

“Ha!” Sirius couldn’t stay still; he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Me neither, obviously.”

“I mean, I have had sex before,” Remus said quickly. “Just not, you know, with you.”

Sirius knew this already, of course, but the reminder sort of stung. Remus had the upper hand here – he was more experienced, and he was doing Sirius a favor. What if Sirius was terrible? He’d never had any complaints for any other sex acts, and he was usually decent at most things upon first trying them, but… 

He’d prepared by putting on some music in his room, but when they stepped in he regretted it immensely. Joy Division? What had he been thinking? 

Remus snorted. “Sexy music.”

Sirius blushed. “Shut up. Do you have better music ideas?”

“Actually, yes.” Remus pulled his phone up and plugged Sirius’ speakers in. “It’s not a sex playlist,” he explained hastily, “just a chill one I thought would be good.”

So he’d thought about this. Cool.

Once Remus’ music was playing – the first song was _Fade Into You_ by Mazzy Star – they just stood and looked at each other for a second.

“So, er.” Remus cleared his throat. “How do you want to do this? Like, do we start with kissing, or…?” He had his hands in his pockets and Sirius could see through the black denim that he was tapping his fingers on his thighs.

“That seems like a good start, yeah.” Sirius tried to laugh but he seemed to have misplaced his breath. 

He hadn’t moved before Remus reached him and leaned in, pausing before their lips met, close enough that Sirius felt his breath. It smelled like he’d just eaten a chocolate croissant. He nodded quickly and Remus finally kissed him.

The first kiss was light, a question mark. Sirius responded with an exclamation mark. He pressed his body to Remus’, and Remus followed by placing one hand on Sirius’ neck and the other on his hip, gripping the latter tightly. Sirius opened his mouth, and Remus did the same, immediately in sync. Remus nudged him backwards toward the bed, and Sirius complied, heart racing. Yes, this was exactly what Combeferre would do. When Sirius had sat down, Remus remained standing and looked down at him. It was weirdly hot.

“Can I undress you?” His voice was airier than usual.

Sirius nodded. He inhaled sharply when Remus’ hands graced his stomach as he unbuttoned Sirius’ jeans. It felt ridiculous. They both started laughing when Remus tugged the shirt over Sirius’ head.

“Maybe leave this bit out of the retelling,” Remus muttered.

Sirius stopped laughing. He was in just underwear, and Remus was still fully dressed.

“If you want me to,” Sirius said, aiming for casual but not quite hitting the mark. “Now I believe it’s your turn.”

Remus smiled and started unbuttoning his shirt. Sirius reached his hands out, looked up for confirmation and received a nod, then made quick work of Remus’ trousers. His mouth watered; he made a mental note to include that in the fic. When Remus was undressed, Sirius grabbed his hand and pulled him down on the bed. He lay down and Remus followed, climbing on top of him and kissing him again. Sirius grabbed his hips, and the direct skin contact felt like touching the sun. It was ten times more intimate this way, and Sirius felt with extreme clarity how his body responded against Remus’. Remus ground down against his groin, causing Sirius to moan into the kiss. 

He tried to think of words to describe it, but all he came up with were cliches, none good enough to describe this feeling. Warm, urgent, safe, all words he’d already used and scrapped in one of his dozen drafts of the scene. It also became increasingly hard to think about anything other than getting Remus closer, preferably closer than humanly possible.

Remus found Sirius’ gaze, who nodded hastily to show his approval of this development, then started kissing his way down Sirius’ torso. He glanced up every now and then; Sirius nodded every time. When he reached his belly button, Sirius stopped breathing. The breath he had held came out trembling when four kisses later, Remus mouthed at his cock through the cotton of his boxers. He had his glasses on and it was stupidly hot. The fabric caught on Sirius’ sensitive skin, and he did a quick intake of breath, causing Remus to stop and look up.

“Not good?” He sounded raspy, and nothing had even been in his throat. The thought of his throat was a mistake, but Sirius didn’t realise that until he had already thought about it.

“Very good,” he breathed. “You’re also allowed to take them off, you know.”

Remus grinned, cheeks pink, and Sirius felt even warmer inside. He had done this part before, but not like this. At the first touch of Remus’ lips on his bare cock, Sirius moaned, all thoughts of finding the perfect word long gone. He both wanted this to go on forever, and for the main event to happen, and to come right now. Remus’ mouth was hotter than Sirius could have imagined.

“Stop,” he whined out, and Remus pulled off with a pop. “I don’t want to come before you fuck me.”

It felt surreal to say. Remus looked up at him with wide eyes, like what he’d said was completely unexpected. It was unprecedented, if nothing else.

“Right,” he said, blinking and nodding slowly. His glasses were askew, but on him it was attractive. Obviously Remus was good-looking, but had he always been this sexy? “Do you have lube? Do you want me to prep you or do it yourself?”

Sirius’ breath caught. For a moment he couldn’t figure out what would be hotter, but glancing at Remus’ hand resting on the sheets made the decision clear.

“You do it,” he said. He nodded to the nightstand. “Lube’s right there.”

“You really are prepared,” Remus said in an obvious attempt to act cooler than he was. “What, did you count on me to put out?”

Sirius gave a short chuckle. He could still feel Remus’ saliva on his cock, which was detrimental to his ability for banter.

Remus poured some lube on his hand and warmed it against the other. “Just let me know what’s good and what’s not,” he said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not going to hurt me.” Sirius spread his legs, feeling vulnerable but also too excited to care. “Please.”

Remus’ eyes widened, but he did as asked. He started by tracing circles around Sirius’ rim. This was already more exciting than any dildo Sirius had ever used, and there had been at least a dozen. He leaned down and kissed Sirius’ hip as he slowly eased one finger in. Sirius willed himself to relax and breathe. When Sirius did this himself he was usually as fast as possible, always impatient and desperate. Remus, on the other hand, had a slow and sure hand as he eased inside and then curled his finger slightly. Sirius gasped, all control of his breathing gone.

By the time Remus had worked up to a third finger, Sirius’ cock was dripping more precome than he’d ever experienced before. He tried to think of unsexy things, like beige stationery and grey paper clips, but it was impossible to focus. Remus had the other hand on Sirius’ hip, holding him still, and being held down, even in that gentle way… It did things to Sirius. It was Remus, and he would treat Sirius well always, but he had the power not to. The thought was exhilarating. 

Remus spread the fingers inside Sirius, and Sirius’ cock twitched. “Please, fuck me soon, I’m gonna come, please–” The plea came out of Sirius before he had time to feel self conscious. Remus looked up at him with dark eyes and a half open mouth.

“Okay.” He kept his fingers inside, but held them still. “I’ve been tested and I’m clean, if you want to know.”

It took Sirius’ brain a few seconds to connect the dots, but when he did, he nodded vigorously. “Yeah, yeah, do it, come in me.” Self-consciousness caught up with him, and he added, “what’s a little barebacking between friends?”

Remus let out a trembling huff of laughter. He licked his lips and began easing his fingers out. He made quick work of his own underwear, and Sirius glanced at him. He wasn’t much bigger than Sirius’ biggest dildo. But he was a lot more alive and present and _Remus_. Sirius had zero experience in handling that. Remus positioned himself with a hand on his own cock, just barely nudging Sirius’ rim.

“Ready?” 

Sirius could see Remus breathing unevenly. He nodded. “I’ll tell you if something’s uncomfortable, I promise.”

Remus nodded back and started pushing inside. Sirius lay back and tried to relax, but Remus towered over him, brows furrowed in concentration and a sheen of sweat on his chest. Sirius wanted to lick it. He willed himself to let Remus inside, but the sensation was a lot and focusing on anything was hard. It burned a tiny bit, but Sirius could already sense a hint of how good it would feel in a minute when his body had acclimated to it. It was torturously slow, but it needed to be. When Remus’ hips were touching Sirius’ ass, he stopped for a while, taking a few breaths. When he’d gotten used to the stretch, Sirius found his gaze.

“All right there?” He’d meant for it to sound cool, but he sounded breathy and overwhelmed. It’s hard to play it casual with a dick in your ass. Who knew?

“Mhm.” Remus still looked focused. “I just… It’s been a while, I’m trying to make it last at least a few minutes.”

Sirius laughed, and Remus gasped. Oh, right, bodies do that. It seemed to have worked as a signal though, because Remus started moving. And oh, fuck. The sex scene Sirius struggled with would just be a string of swear words and odes to skin contact because fuck, fuck, fuck, was the only thing shooting through Sirius’ mind as Remus’ cock sent waves of pleasure through his body. 

This was nothing like fucking himself. Maybe that’s why “fuck yourself” is meant to be an insult. Sirius’ cock jumped when Remus thrusted, and their skin made slapping noises when they met each thrust. He was already so worked up that when Remus leaned down for a sloppy kiss, Sirius started to come, moaning into Remus’ mouth and making a mess between them. Remus pulled his mouth back a few millimeters, grunted in a way he couldn’t possibly have meant to, and followed suit. Sirius felt the pulsing inside him and his cock jerked again, in a futile attempt to demonstrate its huge interest in this sensation. They were so close; Remus was in him. Remus stilled and rested his forehead against Sirius’ for a minute before pulling out. Sirius whined. After being full of something warm and tender, the emptiness was almost melancholic. Then Remus’ come started leaking out, and Sirius winced, no longer wistful. He’d leave that out of the scene, no doubt. 

Remus rolled over to lie on his back. The playlist murmured through the speakers, but the loudest sounds were their breaths, still heaving. 

“Was I an acceptable Combeferre, then?” Remus looked at the ceiling. 

Sirius looked at Remus. He looked shiny and beautiful like a star, each curl a ray of light. “Could've been nerdier,” he blurted.

Remus snorted. “Thanks, I suppose.” Sirius could feel the slight movement as he talked, and his own skin was still damp with sweat.

“You know, I also need to research cuddling.” Sirius should work on his brain-to-mouth filter.

Remus turned his head and looked at Sirius with raised eyebrows. “You’ve never cuddled before? Sure, that’s believable.”

Sirius huffed. “Not after sex I haven’t.” His heart was still racing.

“Really?” Remus’ eyebrows lowered, but he still looked skeptical. “None of them?”

“Nah.” Now Sirius turned to stare at the ceiling. “You know how when you watch porn, once you come, it goes from hot to gross in a second?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, well, one night stands are kind of like that.” Sirius didn’t think that would sound so pathetic before he opened his mouth. He didn’t want to see the look Remus was probably giving him right about now.

“Okay, let’s cuddle.” Remus threw his leg over Sirius’, his thigh nudging dangerously close to Sirius’ spent cock, and his arm around his waist, face against his neck. “Good?”

Sirius giggled when Remus’ breath tickled his neck. “Yes,” he managed.

*

Sirius opened a brand new document for the fourteenth or so time. He named it “emo but hot sexy times” and proceeded to stare at the white vastness of it for at least ten minutes. The sex with Remus felt like a cloud in his head; impossible to grasp and possible to interpret in many ways. How did it even start? They had kissed. Remus’ lips had been surprisingly soft. Did he use lip balm? Right, not relevant to the fic. Sirius shook his head and wrote, “that first kiss was a wordless repeat of what they had just said out loud. The second kiss, however, sent another message. Combeferre pushed Courfeyrac backwards toward the bed…”

When Sirius next looked up, an hour had passed, and he’d written almost two thousand words. He exclaimed “nice!” to himself, then stretched his arms over his head. He’d read it through and fix it up a few times later, but now he needed to rest. The rest of the fic was pretty much done, so he could anticipate the rush of being finished with a long project. He jumped out of his chair and walked with bouncy steps into the kitchen. There was Lily, clearly engaged in a staring contest with the toaster.

“Hiya,” said Sirius, and Lily jumped.

“I thought the toaster had started talking,” she said and shook her head. “Why are you at home?”

Sirius jumped up and sat on the counter, dangling his legs. “I have no job. The better question is what you’re doing here, in the afternoon on a Wednesday?”

Lily grinned. “There’s a Beatles event at the shop, so McGoogles ordered me to take the day off.”

“A Beatles event? Aren’t they at least half dead?” Sirius grabbed an apple from the fruit basket and bit into it. 

“Yeah, it’s some cover or tribute band, I didn’t pay close attention to be honest.” She shrugged. “I’m just here for the toast, man.”

“Your passion is touching,” said Sirius, muffled by the red apple.

“Speaking of passion, how did your little Icarus mission go?” Lily waggled her eyebrows. 

“I don’t even know who’s the sun in this weird metaphor, but it went great, thank you very much. I wrote the scene and it’s only mildly terrible, so there.” Sirius stuck his chin out. 

“Mhm, yeah. And nothing has changed between you and Remus?” Lily tilted her head, surveying Sirius. 

He hopped down. “I can’t believe I’m being interrogated in my own home!” He flung an arm out dramatically. “No, nothing has changed, it was a favor between friends, and I trust him and he trusts me, and it’s not weird.”

Lily giggled as Sirius retreated back to his room, chewing the apple with fervor. Can’t a guy get fucked by his best friend for fic research these days?

*

Sirius usually sat next to Remus on movie nights. Next to him, on him, whichever. Remus always let him. But tonight Sirius thought it would be better to let Remus decide. He made sure to secure a spot on the sofa and didn’t get up when the doorbell rang. Regulus raised an eyebrow at him before going to let in Remus, Dorcas, Mary and Marlene.

“What’s up, gays?” Dorcas grinned and held up the box of wine in her hand. “We’re extremely ready for _Treasure Planet_.”

Remus had halted while Dorcas and Mary went to get glasses and cups for everyone, and Marlene and Lily hugged and immediately started discussing the girls’ upcoming gig. Remus looked at Sirius, who forced himself to look back and smile widely.

“All right?” He gestured at the mostly empty sofa, and Remus started moving again.

He sat down right next to Sirius, their thighs warm against each other. As usual. Sirius’ shoulders sank as he relaxed. It wasn’t weird.

Marlene handed everyone wine and a flyer for the show (POMEGRANATE DEPRESSION – LIVE AT THE BUNFOX!). James grimaced at the first sip of wine, and Lily and Regulus laughed at him.

“Ah.” Mary made a content sound after taking a generous gulp of wine from Regulus’ skeleton mug. “If only more of adult life was like childhood, but with wine.”

“Drinking to that,” Sirius said in a bitter tone and raised his own wine mug (Lily’s favourite, purple with a wolf on it).

Sirius had seen _Treasure Planet_ approximately a hundred and eighteen times, loving it each time, yet today it was difficult to focus. For some reason. He was absolutely not thinking about Remus’ hands, mouth, or cock. It was just warm in there. They were more people than usual, that’s what it was. He could hear the small slurps as Remus sipped wine, and the little huffs of air when something in the movie amused him. These details were in focus, and the rest of the room was blurred and muted.

After it was over, the hangout devolved into more drinking and random conversation. Remus turned away from Lily and said to Sirius, “Could I get that book back, by the way? Before we forget.”

There was no book. “Absolutely.” Sirius stood up, taking the mug of wine with him, and Remus followed. He closed the door behind them, then exhaled for several seconds.

“I just wanted to make sure we’re still good.” Remus watched Sirius without blinking.

Sirius took a seat in his desk chair, on top of a discarded Yellowcard t-shirt, and drank some wine. “Of course.”

“Did you see the looks the others gave us?” Remus rolled his eyes. “As if we didn’t endure ten times worse during the whole James Lily Regulus origin story.”

He sat down on Sirius’ bed. Sirius became intensely aware of his own heartbeat.

“To be fair, this isn’t an origin story, is it?” Sirius was the epitome of coolness. With sweaty palms to prove it.

“Er, right, no, that’s not what I meant.” Remus looked away and Sirius wanted to kick himself.

“Not that I’d mind a repeat,” Sirius heard himself say. “I mean, there’s lots of things I want to write that I’ve never tried, and there’s nothing like method writing.”

Remus’ eyes widened. His hands grasped at nothing as his mouth opened, as if he was about to take a sip of a nonexistent drink.

“Right, okay. What– what did you have in mind?”

Sirius’ body remembered clearly where Remus’ hand had held him down. “I think they’d get really into Courf being submissive and Ferre being dominant. But like, gentle dom, of course.”

Remus nodded slowly. “Seems in character,” he said. “Nothing more specific?”

Sirius lifted his feet up on the seat, his legs effectively hiding his crotch from view. “Oh, you want the full list? I was thinking some nipple play, edging, spanking at some point, probably pain kink, praise, begging, and obviously bondage.”

He tilted the mug back and guzzled the last of the wine. The Icarus comparison didn’t seem so ridiculous now. This could give Remus blackmail material until they were in a retirement home.

Remus blinked a few times. He swallowed. “And you’d like to try these things… With me?”

Sirius’ stomach was on its way to the sun, while Sirius himself felt more like sinking into the ground and paying daddy Hades a visit. He nodded.

“Fuck,” Remus whispered. “Yes,” he added a second later, at normal volume.

There was a second where neither of them were sure what to do. Then Sirius stood up, walked over to the bed, and looked down at Remus. How was every angle a good angle for him?

“Can we do something right now?” He was Courfeyrac, throat tasting like grapes and inhibitions left in the so-called reality.

Remus responded by pulling him down by his shirt, and flipping them over so he was on top, grinding their cocks against each other. He nibbled at Sirius’ ear, and Sirius whined.

“Do you want the others to hear us?” Remus’ voice was low.

Sirius shook his head.

“Then you better be quiet, this time.” He didn’t sound authoritative, just sure. Remus knew what was best.

So Sirius constrained himself to labored breaths and silent shudders, as Remus unzipped them both. He asked Sirius to lick his hand before wrapping it around both of their cocks. Sirius’ was already beaded with precome, and feeling the smooth skin of Remus’ against his made him bite down on his lip hard to stay quiet. Remus came first, and upon feeling the warm come drip on himself, Sirius followed.

Remus reached for the tissues – still in the same place they had been a few days ago – and started cleaning them up, silent. Sirius tried to regain his breath.

Half expecting Remus to lie back and cuddle him again, he was surprised when Remus threw the tissues in the bin and didn’t come back. He pulled his somewhat stained underwear back on, buttoned his jeans, and gave Sirius a half smile.

“Hopefully you can use that for some horny and desperate scene.” He smiled, but didn’t look at Sirius as he spoke.

Sirius blinked. His cock was still out. “Right, yeah, I’m sure I will.”

Remus sighed. “How freshly fucked do I look?” His hair was tousled and he was pink in the cheeks, but that could just as easily be wine.

“Not too much,” said Sirius. Not like me, he thought.

“Right. I’m heading out. You better wait for a bit.” Remus nodded towards Sirius’ crotch. “And put that back before, eh?”

They both chuckled. It was a weird sound in the quiet room. And then Remus left, leaving Sirius even more of a mess than usual.

*

“So,” James smirked, “how was last night?”

Sirius frowned at him over his coffee cup. “You were there. It was nice.”

“I don’t think he means the part we were all there for, babe,” Lily said helpfully.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” said Regulus as he stood up. “The dinosaurs need me.”

“Oh, are they going to stop being extinct today?” Sirius said sarcastically.

Regulus flipped him the bird as he bent down to kiss first Lily’s head, then James’. “Goodbye, my favourite people and also my brother.”

“I’m writing you out of my will!” shouted Sirius as Regulus put on his shoes, but he got no response.

“You’re derailing,” James pointed out the second the door had closed. “Did you two bang again or what?”

Sirius sighed. “We didn’t bang, no. Look, this is weird, because we’re all close friends! If this was some rando you guys didn’t know I’d be happy to divulge all the details, but it’s _Remus_.”

“Yes, we know _Remus_ ,” said Lily, mocking Sirius’ tone. “Your point?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Sirius sharply, “has he talked to you about me?”

Lily and James shared a glance. “We really can’t say,” James said finally. “Betrayal of trust, you know.”

Sirius made a triumphant hand gesture. “My point exactly. So back off, okay? We’re not talking about it. It’s weird.”

“I thought you said it wouldn’t be weird,” said Lily with a shit eating grin.

“Goodbye, none of my favourite people,” said Sirius and left. He took the crossword with him. 

Back in his room, he was at a loss. Normally, this is when he’d either write or avoid it by inventing something he had to do first, but he was letting the fic rest before editing and he hadn’t started anything new yet. As usual at these times, a voice in his head that sounded exactly like Uncle Alphard, said “Maybe you should write something original, if you really want to be a writer? I’m not going to support this whim forever, you know.”

It wasn’t for lack of trying that Sirius wasn’t doing serious work on an original manuscript. He had tried, many times, but they all came out so… Bland. Disappointing. Maybe he wasn’t patient enough to pursue writing for real. What else could he do, though?

He hid the crossword under the mattress and changed into outside clothes (since tragically, society doesn’t approve of unicorn onesies as proper attire). 

Remus worked at a bookshop in Shoreditch, a charming mix of obscure local books and beautiful editions of classics, and of course the bestsellers no independent bookshop can survive without. Capitalism is hell for art, Sirius thought upon seeing _50 Shades of Grey_ in the window. 

He stepped inside and immediately had to prevent a _Pride and Prejudice_ mug from being smashed on the floor. A cramped bookshop was real cute until you tried to move around in it. Remus smiled when he saw him, but was in the middle of arguing the vices and virtues of the different _Les Misérables_ translations they carried.

It was nice to watch Remus work. He was sure and knowledgeable, but never condescending, somehow always finding common ground with the customer. Sirius loved him almost as much for that as for the judgment Remus unleashed when it was just them.

“A lot of people think Rose is the more accessible one, if you don’t feel like getting used to the period typical language in the Wilbour or Hapgood.” Remus smiled encouragingly. “If I may, though, I’d advise against the Denny.”

“Wow, thank you.” The customer looked wide eyed and a little smitten, burying their cheek into a mint green scarf. Sirius barely held back an eye roll, and went to stand by the side of the counter.

“No problem. It’s what I’m here for, after all,” said Remus, and the customer giggled. “I’ll leave you to consider, just let me know if you have other questions, alright?”

They thanked him again, and Remus came over to Sirius with raised eyebrows. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Oh, I just fancied getting myself a copy of that BDSM book I’ve heard so much about.” Sirius winked and to his great enjoyment, Remus blushed while he looked annoyed.

“I swear on our saviour Lorde, if you buy that book our friendship is over.” Remus had taken his place behind the counter, giving Sirius a perfect view of him in front of the backdrop of rarer books they kept behind it.

“Oh, what a shame!” Sirius feigned disappointment. “I guess I’ll just have to learn about BDSM by my own means.” He’d spoken quite loudly, but he didn’t realise until he heard the Les Mis customer drop a book on the floor and gasp behind him.

“Sorry about that,” said Remus smoothly. “I don’t know this person, I promise.”

The customer laughed nervously, and picked up the book before Remus could. “I guess this is the one I’m getting,” they said and weighed it in their hand. It was the Penguin Classics version, the Denny translation.

Sirius turned his face away and grimaced.

“You don’t have to get it just because you dropped it.” Remus’ voice was warm. “I’ll sort it out, get the one you like the most.”

When they came up to the counter to pay, they’d chosen the Wilbour translation with an attached ribbon bookmark.

“Good choice,” said Sirius, still leaning over the side of the counter on his elbows. 

“I hope so.” The person paid, and cast one last glance around the shop before exiting, their eyes lingering on Remus. Sirius frowned.

When the door closed, Remus sighed.

“Why does everyone fall in love with you?” Sirius tried his best to sound perplexed. 

Remus snorted. “Loving the tone of surprise, there.”

Sirius coughed and stood up straight. “I mean, you give advice on books, and it’s like a two minute interaction.”

“It’s my carefully cultivated service persona,” said Remus dryly. He imitated a cheesy salesman voice and continued, “to sell a product well, you have to sell yourself!”

Sirius had walked over to the non-fiction shelf and had his back to Remus. Somehow, going to a bookshop wasn’t a great distraction from his shortcomings as a writer. 

“Marx was right about alienation, then.” Sirius hadn’t read a single word of Marx in his life.

Remus hummed. “I’m not sure that’s what he meant, but applying the theory to the present state of capitalism, maybe.” 

Sirius turned around, and watched Remus straighten the bookmarks on display by the till. 

“You never told me why you’re here,” he said. “Something happen?”

Sirius shrugged, abandoning the non-fiction shelf for the poetry one. He pulled out a copy of Langston Hughes before replying, “Just writing stuff. Nothing majorly bad.”

“Anything I can do to help?” Remus sputtered as soon as he’d finished the sentence. “I mean, not in the– I meant more–”

Yeah, the sex thing definitely hadn’t made anything weird. Sirius cleared his throat and put the book back.

“You’re fine,” he said. “Mind if I hang out for a bit? We could grab an after work pint, maybe, when you’re done?”

Remus was now wiping the counter down with a rag, even though it looked pristine to Sirius. “Yeah, that sounds nice. I get out at five.”

Sirius spent the afternoon with the notepad by the till, writing various dirty words and phrases on notes and sticking them in different classics when Remus was busy helping a customer. _The Iliad_ got ‘rimjob’, _Mrs Dalloway_ got ‘cunnilingus’, _The Picture of Dorian Gray_ got ‘spanking’. When there was a lull, he listened to Remus complain about how annoying people were, and tried his best to come up with witty responses to make him laugh.

When Remus had finished, the wind had grown colder, and Sirius had to zip up his pleather jacket as they stepped out.

“The usual?” Remus asked, grabbing gloves out of his pockets and pulling them on.

“Obviously.” Sirius had already started walking.

Their usual was a local Wetherspoons, which had two major virtues to it: drinks were cheap for London standards, and it was within walking distance. Today they found a table in a corner, and Sirius guarded it while Remus got the first round. He shrugged his jacket off and leaned back against the moss green wall, watching Remus leaning over the bar. It was a nice view.

Coming back, Remus sat down and pushed a beer over to Sirius. His cheeks were pink from the wind, and although he was mundanely dressed, he looked perfect. Like the embodiment of a tight hug or a strong whiskey. Perhaps both. 

He took a sip and smacked his lips in satisfaction. “So, now that I’m no longer under the shackles of wage labour,” he started, “I’ve been reading up on some of the stuff you mentioned.”

“What st– What?!” Sirius swallowed his beer so quickly that some went down the wrong pipe. He sputtered. “You mean–”

“Your list of kinks, yeah.” Remus nodded, as though this was only to be expected of him. “I need to know how you’d like to do it, because some things seem to go together, so we shouldn’t need a separate occasion for each one.”

Sirius’ jeans were more constricting now than they were a minute ago. The lack of music in Wetherspoons was even more uncomfortable than usual. Had it been cold outside? He couldn’t remember being cold ever. “Er, no, I suppose.”

“Do you want to decide where to begin, or should I?” When Sirius met Remus’ gaze, he detected amused wrinkles by his eyes. The fucking asshole. How dare he be so gentle and calm? 

Sirius blinked. Swallowed. Words. He knew a few of them. Now just to get them out in a sense-making manner. “Er. I mean. What did you– do you have a plan?”

Remus grinned. “I do, yes. Do you want to hear it, or do you want to be surprised?”

Due to guzzling beer to calm himself down – which, for the record, did not work – Sirius couldn’t respond immediately. He felt some run down his chin when he emerged from the glass, and hastily wiped it off with the back of his hand. Smooth and sexy, just like his hair.

“As long as it’s from the things I mentioned, I think a surprise would be– nice.” _Yeah_ , Sirius thought scathingly to himself, _NICE is the way to describe kinky sex with your best friend. You fucking dick._

Remus looked extremely pleased and took a leisurely sip of his beer. “Okay, then. Cool. I’ll let you know when I’m ready, so we can set it up. Alright?”

Sirius nodded, incapable of saying anything else. Remus then switched subjects to the next book in the _Trials of Apollo_ series, and what he hoped and expected of it. Sirius had an impossible time focusing. What kinks would Remus choose? How would he do it? Would he be like Sirius thought he would in those situations? Exactly how thin was this ice? Regardless, Sirius felt like Bambi on it. 

The fic was already finished, for one thing.

When they hugged goodbye, two beers later, Sirius felt like he was about to explode out of his skin. 

*

Marlene left a burned cd in their kitchen with ‘Pomegranate Depression :)’ written on it in red marker. Thanks to Lily’s persistence with outdated technology, they were playing it nonstop. The tiny stereo was old and had a Radiohead sticker peeling off it. In general, it was hard to hear through the distorted (yet catchy) music what words they were singing.

It had been five days since Sirius’ escape to Remus’ work. In that time he had: rearranged his bookshelf, cut the sleeves off all his t-shirts and a bunch of his sweatshirts, found a dried up Wagon Wheel under the bed, considered when the last time he ate Wagon Wheels was, written a dozen words in a document titled ‘the breakthrough!!!’. The words were: _art is dead, originality is dead, but I am sadly still kicking_. He’d also dodged three calls and one voicemail from Uncle Alphard. If you close your eyes and pretend a problem doesn’t exist, it goes away, right?

It didn’t. Sirius sat on a kitchen chair, watching Lily strumming her guitar on the sofa while Regulus and James were cooking.

“If you don’t help, you’re not getting any.” James waved a ladle at Sirius and a boiling hot drop of tomato sauce landed on his neck.

“Fuck!” Sirius slammed his hand to the burn and whipped his head around to glare at James. “I’m pre-writing, you dick, stop interrupting my artistic process.”

“Oh, so you were thinking about sucking Remus’ dick?” James grinned. “Sorry to interrupt the _process_.”

“More body parts will burn if this conversation doesn’t take a different turn.” Regulus spoke calmly. It would’ve been chilling if Sirius didn’t know that he would never do that. 

Upon first seeing Regulus with Lily and James, you’d think that the latter were the warm and fuzzy ones and Regulus was the one who put ice cubes down your shirt. James and Lily were warm, but there was nothing soft or fuzzy about their approach to life. Regulus was chilly, but soft like freshly fallen snow. It had surprised Sirius a lot when they started getting together, and even more when he saw how well it worked.

James sighed. “Fine. But I’m doing this for you, not your brother.” He bore his eyes into Sirius at the last part.

Regulus made an unimpressed face. “You’d never think that I’m the Black brother you’re actually dating.”

Sirius made an incredulous sound. “I’d think, since I’m not the one looking to replace our parents.”

He was promptly smacked over the head by James. “No Freudian bullshit in communal spaces! Put money in the jar.”

The jar was on the microwave and read, in Lily’s decisive handwriting, ‘ROT IN HELL DICK MAN’. Regulus chortled and shook his head.

“Thanks, but that’s not necessary. You see, if I was looking to replace our folks, I wouldn’t be with people who are caring and supportive.”

“Aw.” James kissed his shoulder and Regulus’ face changed from biting to fond.

The guitar sounds stopped and Lily shouted, “love you too!” She then resumed playing what sounded a lot like a rockier version of _Let It Go_ from Frozen.

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but came up short. “Okay, you win this round of Daddy Issues Olympics. But it’s not over!”

“It never is.” Regulus raised his eyebrows, but a smile lurked on his face.

Sirius did get to eat; mom friend James Potter wouldn’t deprive him of food. Regulus was right, as annoying as that was to admit – James and Lily were everything they’d never had with their biological “family”. Fun, for one thing.

After dinner, James put on an episode of _Rescue Mediums_ in the living room, and Sirius stayed and watched with them. Staring at his computer screen could definitely wait twenty minutes. About five minutes into it, his phone buzzed. Lily gave him a dirty look when he accidentally elbowed her to get it. The text that had caused it, however, was worth it.

**hi friend. you have 2 choices: come to mine tonight for your first research session, or make sure we can be undisturbed at yours either sunday or wednesday.**

Sirius didn’t stop to think about whether being undisturbed here would be a possibility on the offered days. It was Thursday, and Sirius refused to wait. He stood up, to offended yelling from the trio, and said over his shoulder, “I’m gonna shower, so if you need to pee do it now!”

None of them did, but James muttered something Sirius couldn’t distinguish, and Regulus and Lily chuckled. Whatever.

In his room, before he undressed, Sirius texted his response. 

_**tonight please** _

The answering buzz was fast. At least at this part Remus didn’t tease.

**good boy. text when youre on your way?**

Good boy. Sirius, arguably the worst boy ever, took a breath to gather himself.

_**will do. do i need to bring anything?** _

**just yourself**

The last time Sirius had been in Remus’ flat, he’d been dragged there after having one too many whiskey sours. Remus had made him breakfast the next morning and let him stay until he was stable enough to go home. Sirius wished he’d had a drink or two right now. But he straightened up, told himself that being nervous was ridiculous, and knocked on the door. Right below the ‘beware of the dog’ sign that Sirius had given him as a housewarming gift. Remus didn’t have a dog. 

Remus frowned when he opened the door. “Since when do we knock?” He wore a soft-looking blue shirt, and Sirius could tell by the wilted look of his curls that he too had showered.

“I’m just bewareing of the dog,” he said as he followed Remus inside.

Remus chuckled at that, then burst into a full-on laugh when he saw Sirius’ trousers. “You’re wearing the disco trousers for me?”

Ignoring the ‘for me’ part, Sirius shrugged like his stomach hadn’t leapt at that. “I’m being fic Courfeyrac.”

“Right.” Remus’ smile faltered. “Should I recite some space facts, then?”

They both laughed, but Sirius didn’t say anything.

The flat was small, one combined living- and bedroom and a kitchen. The bathroom was squeezed in by the door and Sirius had more than once hit his ass on the sink when turning around in there. 

Remus led him to the sofa, and sat down without saying anything. Sirius followed his example and desperately broke the silence with the first thing he thought of.

“I still can’t believe you kept that.” Sirius snickered and pointed to a watercolour painting on the wall beside the window. It was unclear what it was supposed to be, but it was mostly orange and red with quite a few colour edges. In the corner it said “James :)” in messy handwriting.

“Aw, come on, it’s nice that he has a hobby.” Remus smirked. “Also, if I keep him happy, I don’t have to call the doctor as often.”

“A tactical move.” Sirius clicked his tongue. “I knew we keep you around for a reason.”

There were a few more seconds of silence.

Remus cleared his throat. “So. How’s the most well researched fic ever coming along?”

“Oh, fine,” said Sirius airily. “It’s definitely good to get some hands-on experience.”

Remus made a noise; whether it would have been laughter or mocking was impossible to tell. “Happy to help, then.”

Sirius couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you gonna fuck me or are we just sitting here? ‘Cos I showered, you know.”

Remus burst out in a loud laugh. “Phew,” he said. “Yes. I just wasn’t sure where to start.”

“We managed fine last time,” Sirius pointed out.

It tasted like Remus had brushed his teeth, too. Sirius turned his body to get closer, but their knees were in the way. Remus laughed and said, “perhaps bed?”

Sirius had been in Remus’ bed before. Remus had been there with him before, too. Not like this, though, with Remus on top of him. He carded his hands through Sirius’ hair while they kissed, tugging at it, pressing his hips against Sirius’. Sirius pressed back, into the friction he could get despite the layers of fabric between them, and an eager sound rose in his throat. Remus paused and leaned back, still sitting on Sirius’ groin, taking a few breaths before speaking. 

“All right, the safeword is hairspray. If I do anything you don’t like, you just say it and I stop. Good?”

Sirius nodded fervently. “Brilliant.”

Remus put his hands on Sirius’ hips under his t-shirt, squeezed them before tugging it upwards. He didn’t have to ask Sirius to lift his arms and let him remove it. Sirius shivered when he shimmied downward and left stray kisses on his collarbone, sternum, stomach, happy trail. Remus looked up and paused for a second when he put his hand on the button on Sirius’ trousers; Sirius nodded. He felt silly just lying there, but it was exciting to let Remus do what he wanted to him. Getting the trousers off was a bit awkward. They laughed as Sirius had to sit up and tug them off. His underwear went with them. Remus took the opportunity to remove his jeans as well, but he kept underwear and shirt on. They stopped laughing when Remus got on top of Sirius again. 

The cotton fabric of his t-shirt was soft against Sirius’ skin. While they kissed, Sirius’ hands wandered down from outside the shirt on Remus’ back, snuck underneath it to touch his lower back. He felt Remus smile, slowing the kiss to a press of lips, when he grabbed his ass. Quite the opposite of what Sirius wanted, he detached his mouth completely.

“If you’re eager to speed things up, we can.” He held himself up with his arms on either side of Sirius’ shoulders, looking down on him.

Okay. That was a decent use of Remus’ mouth apart from kissing him. “Yes, please.”

Remus snorted in amusement. “You’re only polite naked, I guess.”

_Only to you._ Sirius shrugged and grinned. Remus got up, leaving him naked on the bed to get something from the drawer in his bedside table. 

He used his workout headbands to fasten Sirius’ wrists to the bedposts. They were soft, unlike Sirius’ dick. He laughed a little, and Remus cast one look at him.

“They’re washed, if that’s what you mean.” He inched off the bed and stood up, inspecting his work.

“Of course they are.” Sirius stuck his tongue out and grinned. The nerves had disappeared, but he felt like he was about to start floating away. If he hadn’t been tied down, at least.

Remus finally started to undress himself. Sirius couldn’t tell if it felt slower because he ached for more touch, or if Remus was deliberately taking his sweet time, slowly revealing his skin. Now that Sirius knew what it tasted like, the sight was downright torturous. He whined.

“Oh, this will be fun.” Remus looked smug as he finally dropped his shirt on the floor.

He paused like that, keeping his eyes fixed on Sirius. Considering that he was doing Sirius a favor, he didn’t spare any expenses. It was too hot; Sirius broke eye contact. This was a mistake, because his eyes landed on Remus’ cock. He was hard, too.

The sight of him finally naked was too much for Sirius. “Are we getting started this century, or should I arrange to be buried here like this?” He tugged on the restraints and looked expectantly at Remus.

“You clearly underestimate what a dick I can be,” said Remus, but he joined Sirius on the bed as he spoke. He sat down next to his hip, looking down on him.

And he just started touching Sirius. He stroked slowly with his hand over Sirius’ stomach, his side, down the middle of his chest. Nothing below the bellybutton, to Sirius’ great frustration. He didn’t look Sirius in the eye, just touched his skin on any part but the sensitive ones. But at least he was touching him now.

When he took a hard grip on one of Sirius’ nipples, Sirius gasped. Remus looked up at him.

“Okay?”

Sirius just nodded. He couldn’t remember ever being this hard in his life, and they’d barely started.

Remus straddled him, sitting just right so their cocks touched. Sirius was burning up, but he bit his tongue this time. Letting Remus take charge was usually the best idea in any given situation. Especially naked situations.

The look of concentration on Remus’ face, combined with the glasses, was almost comical. He looked like he might have been reading some difficult political theory, but he was twisting both of Sirius’ nipples. It stung and went right to his cock, which was still confined beneath Remus.

Then the warm weight of Remus disappeared and Sirius reflexively chased the touch with his hips. Remus leaned forward, until he was close enough to kiss Sirius. Sirius responded immediately, opening his mouth and letting Remus in.

Remus was back to being soft now, idly playing with the hair at the back of Sirius’ neck, keeping the kisses deep but slow. When he withdrew, Sirius held back a sigh. He didn’t go far though; he leaned to the side, kissing Sirius’ jaw before whispering in his ear: “did you want me to fuck you?”

“Yes!” Sirius hadn’t meant for that to be so loud, but he couldn’t take it back now.

Remus’ breath was hot against his ear, but it was even hotter to hear his aroused breathing so close. He kissed Sirius’ neck softly, trailing kisses down his collarbone and stopping to lick at a nipple. Sirius keened.

“You’re doing well,” Remus murmured as he started circling Sirius’ hole with a lube slick finger. 

Sirius’ arms had started to feel strained. In any other situation he’d have been uncomfortable, but with his cock hard and leaking and Remus’ slow hands working their way inside him, it was difficult to imagine anything more comfortable than this. Actually coming, maybe. As if reading his mind, Remus gave the tip of his cock and antagonizing light lick, lapping up the wetness there. Sirius whined and tried to push himself further onto Remus’ fingers, but Remus quickly stopped him with a hand on his hip. Sirius went still immediately, holding his breath.

“It’s coming,” said Remus. 

Remus was sweating, making his skin look glowing. Again, Sirius wanted to taste it, touch him, but he couldn’t. All he could do was watch Remus’ face contort in pleasure as he eased himself inside, taking a deep breath when he stopped. He held on to Sirius’ shoulders, looking down at Sirius’ chest. Then he moved his hand down to tweak a nipple again, causing Sirius to gasp and clench around him, and Remus groaned.

Sirius had never been this vulnerable in his entire life. Bound to this bed, this moment, feeling as though he was one with the rumpled cotton sheets. His body making room for Remus, who waited. Did time stand still or did it pass too quickly? When Sirius nodded his okay and Remus started moving inside him, time ceased to exist. 

Because he’d been on edge for so long, Sirius’ orgasm took him by surprise. Remus fucked him hard, in just the right place, and the feeling became so great it shot out of him. He could feel himself tightening around Remus, moaning and panting. A few droplets reached Remus’ abdomen. Remus kept fucking into his now sensitive hole, a little slower, and followed suit not long after. He rested his forehead on Sirius’ collarbone when he came, his breath dampening Sirius’ skin. It was somehow even better this time.

They stayed like that for a few seconds, each regaining some breath. Then Remus lifted his head and gave Sirius a kiss.

“I’ll get a flannel,” he said. “And some water.”

This time, Sirius didn’t whine at the loss when he pulled out. He closed his eyes and wished time would have stopped when Remus was inside him. When he heard water running, he opened them again.

Remus untied him and gave him a mug of water. Sirius drank, more because Remus wanted him to than because he was thirsty, while Remus cleaned him up. The flannel was wet with warm water and Remus’ hand was steady and careful. This was nothing like scrubbing himself with a questionable paper tissue.

When they were both clean, Remus kissed him one more time, lips slack and soft, then slumped down on his back beside Sirius. For a while they lay in silence on the covers, just breathing. 

“So I’ve been thinking about what you said about one night stands,” Remus said tentatively.

This could be awkward, Sirius thought in a haze, too content to care. “Yeah?”

“If you never cuddled, you never slept with anyone either?”

“I think I just did.” Sirius grinned and Remus shoved him.

“Actual sleep, you dirty dog.” But he was smiling, too.

It finally dawned on Sirius what an opportunity Remus was offering him on a gold platter. “No,” he said, pouting with his bottom lip. “I really need to research that, too.”

Remus opened his arms in response, and Sirius scooted closer, until he was pressed against Remus. They were still naked and sweaty, sticking together, damp skin on damp skin. Sirius fell asleep warm and comfortable.

The ice might be thinner than he originally thought. 

*

Sirius closed the door behind him as quietly as he could. Unfortunately, Regulus was already awake and knitting something grey. When he saw Sirius, he groaned.

“Do not tell me anything, I beg you.”

“Why would I?” Sirius gave him the cockiest smile he could muster without having had coffee, and aimed for his room. The sweet relief of privacy. He undressed again and went to bed, sighing when he sprawled out over the vast space.

Sleeping with Remus had been outrageously lovely. When Sirius woke up around five in the morning, and saw Remus furrowing his eyebrows in his sleep, he felt like he might throw up. Only instead of half-digested food, glitter and pink cupcakes would have come up. He didn’t think he could handle waking up with him.

So he left. He had every plan to sleep more, but he kept turning between the sheets, never finding the right position. Eventually he heard the coffee maker sputter in the kitchen and gave up.

“You got in late.” Lily raised her eyebrows. “Or should I say early?”

Regulus had taken his knitting to the kitchen table and glared at Sirius before he even opened his mouth.

“Yes, I’m terrible,” said Sirius shortly. “Coffee?”

“Soon,” Lily promised.

James had a morning shift at the hospital, so he’d left before the sun had even considered rising.

Half-way through a silent breakfast – Lily read NME, Regulus read the news, and Sirius was just not present in the moment – Sirius’ mobile buzzed.

**ok quick question: what the fuck**

Remus. Sirius started to sweat, taking a large gulp of coffee and then coughing when it went down the wrong pipe.

_**i didnt want to overstay my welcome?** _

**eh  
ur writing a committed relationship, not a ons. courf would never just up and leave**

Sirius frowned. Remus had a point, though; he’d forgotten what they were doing and acted completely out of character.

**_im sorry, i guess ive been bad_ **

**yes you have. you know you deserve to be punished, don’t you?**

Sirius gulped. He had yet to shower, and he could feel Remus all over him again.

**_yes._ **

“What are you smiling about?” Lily looked at Sirius with narrow eyes.

“Nothing breakfast-appropriate,” Sirius answered. “Excuse me, I have to shower.”

He didn’t even know what Remus would do to punish him, but the ideas he mulled over in the shower were all appealing. His nipples were sore, the stream from the showerhead hitting them just fiercely enough to make him hard. He imagined Remus using real cuffs on him, cuffs that cut into his skin and left marks. Maybe Remus would leave marks on him, too, lovebites on his inner thighs, handprints on his ass, nail scratches down his back. Sirius held on to the soap rack as he threw his head back and came, making sure to bite down on any noise. Maybe Remus’ punishment would be making him stay silent, or maybe he’d want to hear him scream.

Fuck.

When he got back to his room, the first thing he did was to check his phone. No further reply from Remus. That was fine. He had said to surprise him. Sirius laid his phone with the screen down and got dressed with his back to it. He was a strong, independent gay mess who didn’t need to know how he would be punished.

It took him a full two hours to cave and text Remus to ask for at least a clue. He was proud of himself, honestly. 

It took Remus until the next morning to respond. Two words.

**you’ll see**

*

In the next few days, Sirius began editing his magnum opus. This would be his fandom breakthrough, he was sure of it. Yeah, he had some readers already, but one of the many side effects of growing up in a household colder than Siberia is that you can’t get enough attention and validation. (Lily had suggested several times that Sirius just go on The X Factor instead of trudging through the difficult craft of writing.)

He paused at a sentence he was unsure of, and was about to text Remus to ask when he saw that the last text between them had been the ominous non-answer. Sirius took a sip of the now cold coffee beside him, winced, and locked his phone. He could play the game, too. Although he didn’t know what exactly the game was, what the rules were, or what winning would entail. But still.

At dinner, James pouted at Sirius. “Where’s Remus?”

Sirius kept his face blank. “I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?”

James whined. “I haven’t seen him for four days, which hasn’t happened since I’ve known him, and the only thing that’s changed is your stupid research.”

“How many times do I have to ask you to stop making me think about my brother’s sex life?” Regulus looked more tired than anything. Sirius shrugged in his general direction, but James ignored him.

“Maybe he wants to bang us, too,” Lily said hopefully.

Sirius lost his blank face in about half a second. “Okay, why does everyone want Remus so much?! He’s mine! Back off!”

James and Lily dissolved into laughter. Regulus took his plate and left the table, quite composed, but the slamming of the bedroom door could be heard through the amusement. Lily wiped away tears.

“Oh boy, it’s so fun to wind you up.” 

James was still incapable of speaking; every time he opened his mouth, more giggles came out.

“I just meant that Combeferre would take this seriously,” Sirius said. “And, you know, not fuck the whole friend group for good measure.” He glared at Lily. She gave him a sunny smile in response.

“Oh relax, it’s not happening, Reg would never have it.”

“Oh, so that’s the only reason?” James could speak again, and Sirius was suddenly grateful that Lily’s thirst had taken the heat off his. At least he wasn’t alone in that boat, although the company could have been less obnoxious.

“Aw.” Lily ruffled James’ hair. “You know my deepest love is reserved for you and Reg. Just saying, Remus looks like he’d be a fun ride, no harm there.”

James didn’t look thrilled at this, but didn’t protest either.

Sirius remembered exactly what a fun ride Remus was, and started to feel hot. “For some reason,” he said, “I’m not hungry anymore.”

While he washed up his plate, James managed to finally call him out.

“But seriously – ha, Siriusly – anyway, maybe you should consider talking to him if you feel that strongly about him being yours?” He sounded annoyingly considerate, like he hadn’t laughed his ass off over that same thing mere minutes ago.

Sirius waited to respond until he was done washing up. “Nah, I’d like to keep the fun rides coming, thank you very much.” And then he swept out of the kitchen, leaving James and Lily casting knowing looks at each other. Let them look; at least Sirius got the last word.

*

The Bunfox was a small, old, venue. The walls were covered in stickers from various bands, some of which had gone on to fame, while others hadn’t. Lily sat on the edge of the stage, gesturing wildly while discussing something with Dorcas. Marlene tuned her guitar with furrowed eyebrows. Mary sat behind her drum set, leisurely sipping a beer. The only other people there already were James and Regulus, who were dangling their legs from stools by the bar, the bartender who was obviously checking James out, and Sirius. Sirius had foolishly decided to do something new with his hair. He’d puffed the fringe up instead of wearing it to the side over his forehead, and he could not stop touching it. He was just about to go check it out in the bathroom when Remus appeared in his way.

“Hey.” Sirius jutted his chin up in a nod.

Remus smirked. “I’ve got something for you,” he said instead of a greeting.

Sirius’ insides swirled. He touched his hair again. His hands were all sticky with hairspray.

“Come with me to the bathroom, please,” Remus continued. The surge in Sirius’ stomach this time was about equal parts nerves and lust. Would he punish him here? Spanking would probably echo in the bathroom. 

He followed.

It was a small bathroom, walls painted red and with various scribblings on it. Everything from phone numbers to political statements to earnest outpourings of the type ‘I feel lonely all the time’. Remus gestured for Sirius to get in first, then locked the door behind them.

He looked Sirius up and down. Sirius wished he’d worn a shorter shirt; he knew full well what effect seeing his lower stomach had on people. Remus nodded, though, so maybe the visual wasn’t needed.

“You remember the safeword?” He asked, eyes boring into Sirius.

Sirius nodded.

“Good.” Remus reached into his tote bag and fished out a bottle of lube, a cockring, and a buttplug.

_This is how I die_ , Sirius thought. _It’s been a good run. Someone better finish editing and post my fic._

“Okay?” Remus watched him so intently that Sirius already felt penetrated. He nodded. “Good,” Remus said again. “Now, do you need to prepare before we start on getting this inside you?”

He wriggled the buttplug – which was purple – in the air, and smiled mischievously.

Sirius’ mouth was very dry. “Er, yeah, if you don’t mind.”

Remus’s smile turned gentle. “Of course not. I’ll wait outside, just let me in when you’re ready and I’ll help you with these.”

At the words _I’ll help you_ Sirius’ stomach and dick jolted. He didn’t want to examine why that was. He nodded again, and Remus let himself out. Sirius locked the door again and took a deep breath before washing his hands and getting his lower half undressed.

When he let Remus in again, he noticed that Remus’ bottom lip was swollen and pink, like he’d been biting it. His gaze found Sirius’ cock before he’d even locked the door again, and Sirius cleared his throat. Remus looked up at his face and smiled abashedly as he locked the door.

“I want to put it in,” he said. “Can I?” This didn’t feel like a punishment.

“Please,” Sirius said, already turning around and bending over.

He could hear Remus set things down on the sink, and then he felt his warm hand on his hip. The other hand wasted no time in finding Sirius’ hole, already slightly stretched. But this was different; this was Remus inside him. Sirius tried to keep his breath steady. The lube was cool but Remus’ finger was warm, creating a pleasing sensation. 

Remus scissored his fingers, making Sirius gasp at the stretch. He had a fleeting thought of their friends out there and felt a surge of shame and excitement. Face down, ass up, that’s the way we attend our friends’ events, apparently.

Sirius’ breath hitched when the plug went into place. His ass was no stranger to plugs, but having it there per Remus’ request somehow made the feeling different. Better.

Remus patted his buttcheek. “Good boy,” he said. “Now for part two. Turn around, please.”

Slowly, Sirius straightened up, and his cock twitched as the plug moved inside him. Fuck, how was he supposed to get through an entire gig? When he faced Remus, his face went even warmer. Remus was fully clothed, but Sirius could discern a distinctive bump right about where his cock would be.

He picked the purple silicone cock ring from the sink, rinsed it under the tap, and pumped some more lube on his fingers. He wasn’t looking at Sirius while he coated the ring with it. Maybe that was the punishment. He was so hard, and he just wanted Remus to look at him again.

And then he did. “Ready?” He asked, holding the ring up.

“As ready as I’m gonna be,” Sirius replied with a weak chuckle.

Remus gently took hold of Sirius’ cock, and with the other hand, started sliding the ring on. When it was at the base, he knelt down on the dirty floor and gave the tip of Sirius’ dick a light kiss. Sirius whined. Okay, this was a punishment, he could see it now.

“Okay, get your clothes on.” Remus stood up, clearly trying to sound dominant, but his voice had a slight tremble to it.

Again, moving with the plug inside was an Experience. Sirius let out a shuddering breath as he pulled his boxers on, and Remus’ hand flew out to hold his shoulder. When he had his jeans back on – now very thankful that he wasn’t wearing a crop top – Remus reached for his waist.

“Kiss?” He asked.

Sirius answered by leaning into it. Remus kissed him like he was an ice cold beer on a sunny balcony in summer, and Sirius turned his face up to him like he was the sun. He didn’t have wings that could melt, but something was. They disengaged and Remus met his eyes for a second, looking solemn.

“I’m gonna leave first, say hi to people. You come out in five minutes, and play it cool. Okay?”

Sirius had never felt less cool in his entire life, but he nodded yes anyway. When Remus had left, Sirius locked the door again and looked at himself in the mirror. He shut his mouth and tried to arrange his face. Standing still, he could deal with the plug inside him, but knowing it was there was hotter than should be allowed in a public setting. His jeans were stretchy, sure, but they were not made for this kind of strain. He could only hope to get through the evening without staining them.

The floor had started to fill up when Sirius slowly made his way out. He waved to distant acquaintances, keeping his mouth firmly shut, lest any noise slip out.

Remus was at the bar, chatting to Lily and Regulus. Sirius thought about getting a drink, then wondered how the hell he was supposed to piss. He stopped in his tracks and was startled when James patted him on the back.

“Where did you go?” James looked cheerful. He was wearing a pastel yellow t-shirt on which Dorcas had written ‘Pomegranate Depression’ with permanent marker.

“The–” Sirius’ voice came out a lot more breathy and high-pitched than he intended, and he cleared his throat hoping to fix it, “the bathroom.”

“Finally overate those black bean brownies, did you?” James chuckled. “How’s that for healthy, eh?”

Sirius shook his head. He stood still now, but the sensation of walking around with the plug nudging his prostate still sent waves of pleasure through him. James had seen him naked and somewhat sexual several times, but all of those times he had been aware of it. The realisation that James had no idea gave him another wave of pleasure, and he cleared his throat again. Play it cool. Like Remus had told him.

“Just fixing my hair,” he said.

James laughed. “Sure, sure. I’m gonna go find the partners, but I’ll see you.” He patted Sirius on the back, causing enough movement for the plug to nudge just right, and Sirius bit down hard on his lip. The band wasn’t even on stage yet. He hadn’t gotten it together enough to reply before James had wandered on.

Wanting to avoid his brother at any cost, Sirius made his way closer to the stage. Concentrating hard on breathing, thinking about dirty socks and day-old oatmeal, he got there okay. He picked a spot by the wall, not too close to the band but close enough to see.

Sirius didn’t know whether to be relieved or worried when he saw Remus making his way over to him. He held a beer and looked cruelly casual. Punishment indeed.

“Mind if I stand here?” He asked Sirius, like it was a question. “I think they’re starting soon.”

“Yeah, sure.” Sirius tried to smile, but his insides were doing a funny thing again despite standing perfectly still.

Sirius was thankful for the band starting for about a millisecond; before the vibrations of the bass hit him. He tried leaning on the wall, which did not help. A small whimper escaped him. The music was loud, but evidently Remus could still hear him. He glanced sideways at Sirius and moved closer, leaning in to talk in his ear.

“Lean on me instead, if you want.” His breath was warm on Sirius’ skin, and this close Sirius could smell him. This didn’t help, somehow. The plug inside him made tiny movements in time with the beat; he was achingly hard but couldn’t come. Sirius now knew the true meaning of “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times”.

Without a word, he took Remus’ arm and abandoned the wall. It was steadying, in a way.

Marlene sang about citrus fruits and antidepressants, ironically looking delighted and not at all sour about it. Remus nodded in time with the music, but stay mercifully still otherwise. Sirius counted his breaths. Breathe in-two-three-four, hold-two-three-four-five-six, breathe out-two-three-four-five-six-seven. 

A few songs in, Remus leaned closer again and whispered, “you’re so hot right now, fuck.”

All hope of not staining his jeans was lost when he heard Remus say that. It all felt surreal. He couldn’t reply without making an ass of himself, but he turned his head and looked at Remus. The lights were dim, but Remus must have seen something, because his lips fell open.

“Do you want to go?” He asked quickly. “To mine,” he added.

Sirius nodded, immensely relieved. _Sorry, girls_ , he thought, _I didn’t plan for this_.

They didn’t tell anyone they were leaving; they could deal with that later. When they stepped outside, everything seemed extremely quiet, despite being a London street at night. Sirius wondered how he’d do on the journey to Remus’ – buses and trams vibrate a lot stronger than bass.

“We’ll take a taxi,” Remus said decisively, “but you’ll pay half.”

“Okay.” Sirius whispered, and had the vague notion that he should feel shame, but his entire being at this moment was filled with sex and Remus.

In the taxi, Remus put his jacket on Sirius’ lap, and sat leaning forward to obscure his own. The radio played an upbeat pop song. Sirius tried to focus on the lyrics to distract himself.

_So won't you take it, I feel like for the first time I am not faking_  
Fingers on my buttons and now you're playing  
Master of anticipation  
Don't you keep it all to yourself 

_Just a touch of your love is enough  
To knock me off of my feet all week_

Sirius bit his lip when they went over a bump, then whimpered both from pain and pleasure. Remus laid his hand on the seat between them. Sirius took it and squeezed. They didn’t speak. Not until they were inside Remus’ flat, and Sirius let out a relieved, “oh fuck”.

“Yes, that’s going to happen soon.” Remus grinned and stepped on his own heels to get out of his shoes. Then his face went serious again. “But only if you promise me this: you don’t fucking leave.”

“I promise,” Sirius said breathlessly.

Walking to the bed, Sirius didn’t hold back moans, whimpers or shudders anymore. Remus walked ahead of him, shedding clothes as he went, leaving them on the floor. He sat down on the bed and waited for Sirius to get there and stop in front of him.

“You still remember the safeword?” Remus asked as he started to undo Sirius’ jeans.

“Mhm.” Sirius couldn’t help himself. He reached for Remus’ hair and carded his hand through it, stopping at the nape of his neck to touch him there.

“Shirt,” said Remus, and Sirius had to take his hand back and pull it off. His boxers were wet in the front, and Remus leaned forward and lapped at the damp cotton. Sirius whined. What was it like not to be dying to be fucked by Remus? He couldn’t remember. Were there other feelings?

The sheets felt the same as last time. Had Remus kept them? Sirius lay down and Remus again started touching him all over, but this time he didn’t wait to get to Sirius’ nipples.

Sirius had been on edge for so long, at the first pinch he mewled and felt his cock twitch. But he couldn’t come.

“Remember,” Remus said as he kept a firm grip on Sirius’ nipple, “this is still a punishment.”

Clearly. Sirius’ back arched, and he felt sweat all over his body already. 

Remus tugged on the plug, slipping it halfway out. Then he spoke. “We,” he said firmly, then thrust it back in. Sirius moaned at the stimulation. Remus pulled the plug back again. “Are,” he said, and thrust it in once more. Sirius was helpless. “Friends,” he finished on the third thrust. Then he slowly pulled it out entirely, leaving Sirius empty and aching and yearning.

But not for long. As he eased himself inside Sirius, Remus maintained eye contact. Once he was inside – and Sirius felt like he would burst – he said, “you can’t ever leave like that again.”

Before Sirius could figure out if he should respond or what he should say, Remus started fucking him. The ring on his cock seemed more like a torture instrument than a sex toy right now. It was intense. Remus moved quickly, relentless, and watched Sirius’ face. Sirius struggled to keep his eyes open, but they wanted to be closed.

Remus slumped over him when he came, hot and pulsating and close, panting. He kissed Sirius’ shoulder before pulling out. Sirius expected him to finally let him come, but he didn’t remove the ring. He lowered himself, kissed Sirius’ hip, and started licking into Sirius’ hole. Sirius could feel Remus’ come trickling out, but then Remus’ tongue was there to lap it up. He was so open that Remus could get his tongue inside, and after hours of incessant stimulation he was so sensitive that every movement set him on fire. He couldn’t stop making sounds, desperate whines and pleas, moans and whimpers, all came out of him in an unstoppable stream. Remus’ hands on his hips kept him still, but his muscles twitched, yearning for release.

When Remus looked up at Sirius, his lower face was shining slick. “Learned the lesson yet?” He asked, panting.

Sirius needed a second to regain enough breath to respond. “Never leave you,” he rushed out.

“Good boy.” Remus sat up, and without further ado rolled the ring off Sirius’ cock. He threw it aside, gripped Sirius’ hips and bent down towards Sirius’ cock. Sirius started coming before Remus’ mouth could touch him, moaning helplessly. Remus’ face got even messier as Sirius spurted wildly all over him, and he seemed to love it.

When Sirius had finally stopped shaking, Remus cleaned him up. He wiped his face on Sirius’ shirt and glanced at him, but Sirius was too spent to even pretend to be offended. It was worth it. He still felt buzzing with electricity, Remus’ gaze creating shocks and sparks.

Sirius didn’t move. Remus climbed back in bed and wrapped himself around Sirius, despite the sticky sweat they’d already created.

“This is gross,” he mumbled into Sirius’ neck. Sirius just grunted in response. It was gross, but it didn’t feel like it.

When Sirius next became conscious, sunlight was coming through Remus’ powder blue curtains, and his mouth tasted like nuclear waste. He grimaced. Remus was practically glued to him and there was a definite aroma of sweat emitting from them both.

So this was what Sirius had been missing. He stifled a laugh. It seemed rude and wrong and too much work to get up, but he was desperate to pee. He moved Remus’ sleep-heavy shoulder from his. Their sticky skin made an odd noise as they separated.

Remus groaned. “No,” he mumbled, crashing himself down on Sirius again. “No leaving.”

Sirius breath caught. “I gotta piss, mate.”

Jerking up, Remus looked at him in confusion. “Right.” He rolled away to let Sirius get up. 

In keeping with tradition, Sirius bumped his ass on the sink in the tiny bathroom and swore loudly. He nicked some toothpaste and swirled it around in his mouth with some water. This felt like a whole new fic starting to form.

Remus had gone back to sleep. Sirius stopped for a second, watching the bare skin on his back and the mess of his hair. The bed was a mess, too, since neither of them had bothered to straighten out the sheets after the thorough rumpling they’d given them. With the ray of early sun shining on it, it looked like a painting. Portrait Of The Best Friend As A Lover.

Sirius walked right into the painting and joined the ongoing art. He curled himself around Remus, ignoring how scary it was. Staying. His heart rate had gone up, and he didn’t think he’d fall asleep again. Until he woke up when Remus started moving.

“Mouth,” Remus muttered. “Gross.” Sirius reluctantly removed himself. “Don’t move,” Remus added after he stood up, but he sounded calm this time.

When he came back, he lay down on his side, facing Sirius. Sirius turned and mirrored him.

“Morning,” he said, putting on his best winning smile.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Don’t do that with me, I know you’re full of shit and feelings.”

Sirius’ nerves bumbled out of him in a huff of laughter. “The shit part is definitely true, yes. Metaphorically speaking, I mean. I had a pretty thorough physical cleansing last night.”

Trying to hold back a smile, Remus turned pink. “Was it, you know, inspiring?”

“Yes,” Sirius said without hesitation. And then a realisation dawned on him and his stomach fell. This would have to end – there would be an end to what he could feasibly need to research. What then? They’d go back to being friends with Sirius’ feelings unacknowledged, making it weird no matter how much they claimed it was not?

“Actually–” He started, then paused. Remus looked at him with unsure eyes, the confidence he had during sex gone. “I have a confession to make.”

He waited for Remus to react somehow, but he just nodded, waiting. Sirius licked his lips and went on, intensely aware of how naked they both were. If Remus threw him out, he hoped he’d be allowed to get dressed first.

“It’s possible that I didn’t need more than one research session. You know. But it was… Nice, so, yeah.” Sirius hated himself. He wanted to be a writer but he was incapable of forming any kind of compelling sentence when it mattered.

But Remus’ face broke into a smile. “It’s possible that I didn’t do this out of totally selfless reasons, either.”

“Can I kiss you?” Sirius blurted. “I know I’m gross but I swirled toothpaste in my mouth, so.”

Remus laughed loudly. “Yes,” he said. He didn’t wait for Sirius to make the move, though.

This was different. Remus kissed Sirius, no fiction, no excuse, just them. It was familiar by now but also completely new. 

And then Remus pulled away. Sirius blinked, confused.

“Sorry, I just need to clarify something. You meant that you like me, right? As in, something else than friendship?” Remus worried his bottom lip with his teeth. Even in this situation, it was distracting.

Sirius nodded vigorously. All cards on the table. “Yes, yeah, definitely.”

Remus exhaled deeply. “Good. I hate misunderstandings. So, are we like? Boyfriends now?”

“If you want,” said Sirius, feeling dizzy from the pace they were moving at. Then again, this had been crazy from the start and it was entirely his own fault.

To his further surprise, Remus responded by slapping him on the shoulder. “You fucking asshole, do you want it? Obviously I want it.”

Sirius made an indignant noise. “How is that obvious?! Also, I can’t believe you didn’t slap me for real as my punishment but you’re doing it like this.”

Remus laughed and shook his head. “You’re so absurd,” he said. “This may come as a shock to you, but I wouldn’t go out and buy a butt plug for James or Dorcas. One might say that means something.”

“It’s not the most obvious sign in the world,” Sirius muttered.

“Also!” Remus had the same tone as when he was excitedly ranting about politics, which was strangely attractive. It seemed to be a theme for his whole existence. “If I was content to be your sexperiment, why would I be bothered by you leaving?”

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, because he hated being wrong more than he hated wet socks, but he reluctantly found that it made sense.

“I guess,” he said, pouting. “Well, then wasn’t it also obvious that I left because I was scared, not because I don’t like you?”

Remus rolled over and threw his hands over his face, making an exasperated noise. “Romance is dead,” he proclaimed. “Can we just come to a conclusion here so we can kiss some more?”

This changed Sirius’ attitude in a microsecond. He rolled after Remus, positioning himself on Remus’ chest and beaming at him. “You had me at kissing,” he said. “Yes, boyfriends.”

Sirius closed the distance between them at the same time as Remus tugged him closer. This time, there was no clock on the kiss, or any other kisses in the future. Slow, then fast, then slow again, they rediscovered each other.

When they came up for air, Remus smirked. “Oh, and I’ll see what I can do about the spanking.”

_Real life is so much better than fanfiction_ , Sirius thought as he kissed his boyfriend again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) come pester me on Tumblr @ nblesbiansirius if you want! xx


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